There is no getting away from the fact that having divorced parents is now a way of life for many children. There are different opinions on how divorce affects children and how to lessen the impact for them.
It seems clear that starting off with some sensible moves is the best way look after the children of divorced parents. So what does this really mean and does it mean having to pretend to not hate your ex-partner?
Don’t Argue in Front of the Kids
It can be difficult to avoid arguing in front of the kids if you are going through the divorce process and still all live in the same house.
You already know that this is a terrible thing to do but it can be so hard to avoid it. Once the divorce goes through and the parents live apart it should be a lot easier to avoid arguing in front of the younger members of the family.
You might even end up being friends again. There is no guarantee of this but it would sure be nice for the kids if you could manage it.
Until then, it is up to the adults in the house to stay cool and avoid getting into arguments that could harm their children. It isn’t going to be easy but it shouldn’t be impossible to do either.
The children of divorce parents can be left with lasting bad memories if see their parents arguing with each other a lot. They might even feel that part of the blame is theirs.
Don’t Bad Mouth Each Other to the Children of Divorced Parents
Another big temptation is to let off some steam by bad mouthing the other parent in front of the kids. You know the stuff; “Your mother is an evil witch” or “Your father never once satisfied me in bed in 20 year together”.
The impact of divorce on children is going to be much greater when their parents continually say bad things about each other in their presence. It’s even worse if you go into cringe inducing details.
Ideally, you will continue to say nice things about the partner you have fallen out of love with. However, since we live in the real world it maybe seems a bit too optimistic to ask for this.
So, I’ll just recycle my grandmother’s advice and tell you that if you don’t have anything nice to say you should just shut up. You’ll feel better for it in the long run.
How Divorce Affects Children - Explain the Situation
The usefulness of this point really comes down to the age of the kids who are about to become children of divorce parents.
If they are very young then there isn’t a lot you can do to explain the situation to them. On the other hand, if they are now fairly grown up the worst thing you can do is try and hide the matter from them.
Simply find some time when you can sit down together and explain to them what is happening. By doing this you can let them clear up any worries and get issues out in the open.
You already know that it’s not their fault but maybe they will have some doubts about it if you don’t do this and let their doubts build up then they could start to get more affected by the divorce.